paranoid freak

my subconscious has a nasty way of playing tricks on me. at least once a night – and sometimes twice – i wake up patting the covers, pillows, and even jordan, looking for my babies. i am convinced they are in bed with us and are smothered in the plethora of fluff on our bed. and it’s funny because the “fluff” equals a sheet, a blanket and two pillows. but i guess compared to their sparse accommodations consisting of a white fitted sheet and a 12 inch square open knit blanket (SIDS approved, thank you), our bed is pretty darn cozy. each and every time i wake up, the boys are sleeping soundly and silently in their cribs. but every single night (and i mean EVERY NIGHT) my subconscious thinks otherwise. it’s starting to annoy poor jordan, and i truly feel bad and apologize profusely when i realize what i’m doing. but honestly, i can’t help myself! is this some weird transition my brain is making now that i am a mother? my protective instincts rearing their heads while i’m trying to relax and we’re all most vulnerable? am i some kind of paranoid freak?

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