Tonight is the Supermoon and it’s really had me thinking. The boys have been pretty nutty around these parts. Emotional is an understatement. Crying on a dime. Getting all up in each other’s space. Talking about what their hearts and spirits are saying (My favorite so far is Oskar saying, “Mommy, my spirit just told me MEEEEOOOWWW.”) Oz has been going through a phase of being downright defiant, basically turning his listening ears off most seconds of the day. Abel counters this by being a perfect angel, milking it for all its worth.
As for me, I’ve been in this place of breaking my molds. My dear friend, Jeff, died two weeks ago tonight of a sudden and completely unexpected brain aneurism. He was in the middle of advanced yoga teacher training and had finally started living his life based on his passions and what made him joyful and filled with delight. It took him 50 some-odd years to figure this out and take action. I have been filled with sadness but his death has helped me renew my commitment to live my life in a way that fills me up – in small and big ways alike.
Coming back full circle to the Supermoon, I’ve had a lot of energy this week to make things happen in my life. Root out some bad habits (overeating, procrastination) and thought patterns (self-doubt) and change them. Stay present in feeling and sensation when I would normally mentally bail or numb out. Choose to connect with people, engage in a conversation with the stranger sitting next to me at Whole Foods, actually chew my food and breathe deeply when I eat instead of mindlessly inhaling while staring at my iphone. I’m not into astrology or cosmic-anything, but I feel like there are some strong energy currents running around right now and they are pushing me in the direction of making some awesome things happen for myself.
As I sat down to write today, I vaguely remembered writing a post about a lunar event many years ago. Sure enough, I wrote this post over on “How Do You Do It” over four years ago. It was a full-moon and lunar eclipse all in one. Reading it over, I’m amazed by how much has changed in my life, yet so much is the same. The boys are older and wiser and the full moon still sends them into a frenzy. Things really do change as fast as they change. And if we’re not soaking it all in, living a life full of our passions and loves and delights, then what is it all worth?
Tonight I’m going out to our patio with my cup of tea and sit on our weathered patio chairs for a while. You know, really take this Supermoon light in. I will remember that moments are fleeting, that things really do change as fast as they change. And I will relish just how beautiful it is to soak in the moment.
Here’s my story, “Full Moon Philosophies” from the archives: February 20, 2008
If you look up in the sky tonight around nine, you’ll be lucky to witness a total lunar eclipse. Tonight also happens to be a full moon, which you’ll get to see in all its glory about an hour later. I’m a pretty grounded girl, but I never underestimate the power of our solar/lunar cycles. It never ceases to amaze me that on days where everything is out of whack, where our boys seem to be utterly possessed, I come to realize that it’s a full moon. It gives me a strange comfort to believe that they’ll snap out of it by tomorrow, and in most cases – whether it’s the moon’s doing or not – they do.
I have a good friend who gave me a pearl of wisdom before I gave birth to the boys. In a nutshell, she said that there will be days, weeks, maybe months that will seem impossible and never-ending. But each phase is just that – a phase – that will end and initiate something new and different. So when you are in the midst of an utter craptastic place with your babies and you think you just can’t take another day…take heart. It will end. Maybe not tomorrow, but one day soon. Of course like all good advice, I forgot it immediately upon hearing it.
We had some trouble when it came to my grand plan of nursing the boys. I remember the boys being three months old and I thought our woes would last a lifetime. Pile reflux/spitting/misery on top of screaming on top of mastitis on top of having to nurse them while bouncing on a stability ball. Every new mom I knew was relishing the relief that the three month milestone brought them, while I was in the midst of my very own personal hell. And then somehow I remembered that little nugget of advice and I chose to just give it a few more days – okay a few more weeks – before throwing in the towel. Low and behold, four months was our magic number. It was also the time we decided to sleep train the boys. Whatever caused it, we were suddenly in a much different and better place.
Since then I have held this wisdom a little closer and it has never let me down. I call it, “it changes as fast as it changes.” A catch-phrase that is much easier for my suboptimal postpartum brain to remember. And remember.
So tonight I’m going to make a special point of going out onto our patio to witness this dual lunar event. I may even bring a glass of wine and sit on our weathered patio chairs for a while. You know, really take it in. I want it to remind me that moments are fleeting, that things really do change as fast as they change. And how beautiful it is to just soak in the moment, even when you feel you can’t take another second of it.