Bye Bye Tooth

Abel lost his first tooth! It happened on the afternoon of Sunday, January 12. Just a few weeks before his 7th birthday. He was determined to get this tooth out. He wiggled it for weeks and weeks like it was his one and only job. Friday he asked me to pull it out, but it wasn’t quite ready. Saturday was the same story. But Sunday, the tooth was hanging on my a thread (or a disintegrating root). I grabbed a thin kitchen towel and pulled gently a few times. Nothing. We decided to try one more time and I put a bit more force into it. Out it came! Abel didn’t feel it at first, but when I told him it was out and then showed him the tooth, he started freaking out. Crying and running to the bathroom, he looked in the mirror and was a little hysterical by the hole where his tooth once was. Within a few minutes he was ecstatic and called all his grandparents, cousin David, and anyone else he could think of. He had big news to share!

Oskar was truly excited about his brother losing a tooth and helped Abel find a small pouch to store the tooth in anticipation of the Tooth Fairy. A few times he got sad and said, “When is my tooth going to fall out?” The next morning, the boys awoke and Abel found $2 under his pillow. They came running upstairs to tell us. Abel said, “I gave Oskar one of the dollars, so we each have one.”

Jordan and I almost burst into tears. The kindness and love these boys share is something else.

Ruby

Meet Ruby, the newest addition to the Silverman family. We found her at the shelter and couldn’t resist her sweet, affectionate nature. The kisses. Oh, the kisses! Here she is giving Oskar a bath after he had just gotten out of the bath.

Abel’s Reign of Blood

I’m not kidding. Abel has had more crazy blood incidents in 2012 than we know what to do with.

First incident in January – the boys were bouldering near our house. Jordan and I turned around for 5 seconds and Abel flipped over backwards and wedged is head between two rocks. We were lucky the damage was only a few deep cuts on the back of his head, resulting in LOTS of blood. No stitches necessary, but he got to sport a cool gauze headband for a few days. They also got to watch the original Star Wars for the first time (milestone!).

Abel on the boulder prior to the accident

Second incident in February – the dreaded cheese grater. Totally sliced his thumb. Deep! Copious blood accompanied by copious screaming. He won’t go near a cheese grater now. It’s like it’s a weapon or something.

Third incident in March – Sliced the bottom of his foot open at the beach. We don’t know if he stepped on glass or a shard root or what. So much blood.

Fourth incident in April – Running around the house like a mad man and slipped on a piece of paper left on the floor by Oskar. Biffed his face on the floor, teeth went into his bottom lip and split it wide open. Blood everywhere.

Fifth incident two nights ago – Running around the house like a mad man again, collided with Oskar and smashed his nose into Oz’s head. I don’t think he broke his nose but the blood, oh the blood. It was a total gusher.

Thank god Jordan has a lot of experience with bloody noses and split lips with all his jiu jitsu and wrestling, because he knows just what to do. Thank god I’m not squeamish when it comes to this. And thank god that Oskar is immune to these types of injuries so far, because that’s about enough blood for me!

Full Moon Philosophies: Part Two

Tonight is the Supermoon and it’s really had me thinking. The boys have been pretty nutty around these parts. Emotional is an understatement. Crying on a dime. Getting all up in each other’s space. Talking about what their hearts and spirits are saying (My favorite so far is Oskar saying, “Mommy, my spirit just told me MEEEEOOOWWW.”) Oz has been going through a phase of being downright defiant, basically turning his listening ears off most seconds of the day. Abel counters this by being a perfect angel, milking it for all its worth.

As for me, I’ve been in this place of breaking my molds. My dear friend, Jeff, died two weeks ago tonight of a sudden and completely unexpected brain aneurism. He was in the middle of advanced yoga teacher training and had finally started living his life based on his passions and what made him joyful and filled with delight. It took him 50 some-odd years to figure this out and take action. I have been filled with sadness but his death has  helped me renew my commitment to live my life in a way that fills me up – in small and big ways alike.

Coming back full circle to the Supermoon, I’ve had a lot of energy this week to make things happen in my life. Root out some bad habits (overeating, procrastination) and thought patterns (self-doubt) and change them. Stay present in feeling and sensation when I would normally mentally bail or numb out. Choose to connect with people, engage in a conversation with the stranger sitting next to me at Whole Foods, actually chew my food and breathe deeply when I eat instead of mindlessly inhaling while staring at my iphone. I’m not into astrology or cosmic-anything, but I feel like there are some strong energy currents running around right now and they are pushing me in the direction of making some awesome things happen for myself.

As I sat down to write today, I vaguely remembered writing a post about a lunar event many years ago. Sure enough,  I wrote this post over on “How Do You Do It” over four years ago. It was a full-moon and lunar eclipse all in one. Reading it over, I’m amazed by how much has changed in my life, yet so much is the same. The boys are older and wiser and the full moon still sends them into a frenzy. Things really do change as fast as they change. And if we’re not soaking it all in, living a life full of our passions and loves and delights, then what is it all worth?

Tonight I’m going out to our patio with my cup of tea and sit on our weathered patio chairs for a while. You know, really take this Supermoon light in. I will remember that moments are fleeting, that things really do change as fast as they change. And I will relish just how beautiful it is to soak in the moment.

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Here’s my story, “Full Moon Philosophies” from the archives: February 20, 2008

If you look up in the sky tonight around nine, you’ll be lucky to witness a total lunar eclipse. Tonight also happens to be a full moon, which you’ll get to see in all its glory about an hour later. I’m a pretty grounded girl, but I never underestimate the power of our solar/lunar cycles. It never ceases to amaze me that on days where everything is out of whack, where our boys seem to be utterly possessed, I come to realize that it’s a full moon. It gives me a strange comfort to believe that they’ll snap out of it by tomorrow, and in most cases – whether it’s the moon’s doing or not – they do.

I have a good friend who gave me a pearl of wisdom before I gave birth to the boys. In a nutshell, she said that there will be days, weeks, maybe months that will seem impossible and never-ending. But each phase is just that – a phase – that will end and initiate something new and different. So when you are in the midst of an utter craptastic place with your babies and you think you just can’t take another day…take heart. It will end. Maybe not tomorrow, but one day soon. Of course like all good advice, I forgot it immediately upon hearing it.

We had some trouble when it came to my grand plan of nursing the boys. I remember the boys being three months old and I thought our woes would last a lifetime. Pile reflux/spitting/misery on top of screaming on top of mastitis on top of having to nurse them while bouncing on a stability ball. Every new mom I knew was relishing the relief that the three month milestone brought them, while I was in the midst of my very own personal hell. And then somehow I remembered that little nugget of advice and I chose to just give it a few more days – okay a few more weeks – before throwing in the towel. Low and behold, four months was our magic number. It was also the time we decided to sleep train the boys. Whatever caused it, we were suddenly in a much different and better place.

Since then I have held this wisdom a little closer and it has never let me down. I call it, “it changes as fast as it changes.” A catch-phrase that is much easier for my suboptimal postpartum brain to remember. And remember.

So tonight I’m going to make a special point of going out onto our patio to witness this dual lunar event. I may even bring a glass of wine and sit on our weathered patio chairs for a while. You know, really take it in. I want it to remind me that moments are fleeting, that things really do change as fast as they change. And how beautiful it is to just soak in the moment, even when you feel you can’t take another second of it.

Where to begin?

I’ve got a lot of catching up to do. It’s a little daunting to jump back in the game, but I think the best place to start is to answer the question, “where the heck have I been?!” My hiatus from this blog began right after the boys started their (then) new Montessori, last August. Soon after, I took a massive leap to become a yoga teacher. It was not an easy decision. I had for a very long time yearned to do it, but it felt like an impossible dream. How could I possibly leave work, the boys, Jordan, my home, my existence, etc. for an entire month to go do this?!

I started toying with the idea about a year ago. Jordan was crazy supportive from the get-go. I dipped my big toe in the water by heading to Houston for a 3-day workshop series with Ana Forrest last May, the creatrix of the style of yoga I’m passionate about. It literally blew me out of the water! I knew after that weekend I needed to do it, but my sense of obligation to everything else still stood like a 10 foot brick wall in front of me.

One by one, the layers of bricks came down. I was terrified to talk to my boss about this idea, but when the conversation finally happened, it was a non-issue. Complete support. My mom gleefully agreed to stay with Jordan and the boys for the whole month I would be away. Jordan never wavered in his enthusiasm and support of my dream. My heart ached at the thought of being away from my boys, but that would be temporary.

The only thing that was standing in my way now was myself, and I realized that it had been me all along. But isn’t that always the case? We use other things as scapegoats to not confront our fears. For me, the fears were deep and plentiful – putting myself first, opening myself up and seeing what (if anything) was inside, following my passion, and GASP!, believing I could be a great teacher. Terrified and exhilarated, I chose yes. Because if I didn’t, I’m not sure what would have happened.

I spent the whole month of October in Houston. Up at 5am to make the 6am meditation of chanting, singing, dancing, and Ana’s inspiring words. After that, two hours of intense, sweat-your-brains-out-yoga. We got a short break to refuel and shower, and then it was back in the studio at 11am for teacher training. This lasted until 5 or 6pm. Back to the hotel for dinner, homework, epsom salt baths and sleep.

It’s hard to describe what this training and what Forrest Yoga means to me. The physical yoga was fantastic, but it was almost a vehicle for something so much greater. I got to know myself again. I uncovered emotions and memories that had been buried in my body – in my muscles and bones and cell tissue. It was CRAZY and unexpected to witness what came up. I found intense joy in my heart and felt my spirit loud and clear. I saw all the ways I mutilate myself and numb myself to feeling (eating, multitasking like a maniac, never saying no). I practiced speaking my truth in the moment (and not in the moment); clumsy and frightening at first, but so liberating and constructive. I learned to breathe VERY DEEPLY and purposefully. I snuggled up with my future-wiser self and laid out a path for becoming that person, letting go of the things and ways that prevent me from being her. I got totally triggered and instead of running away from it, I confronted it head on to get to the roots. I faced my imminent death in a drum pounding, soul bending, tear jerking ceremony, distilling what my unresolved business is and what is most important to me. Most of all, I did this in a community of incredible people who were all just as committed to this journey as I was. They are my tribe.

It was the training that keeps on giving and I continue to come back to the work I did. I wish every person on this planet could do something like this.

Now I am a Forrest Yoga teacher. I teach 4 classes a week, tomorrow I’m leading my very first workshop, and I even have a private client. I have a website, which totally makes it official: www.forrestyogaaustin.com. I still work at my part-time job. I’m still a mother to two wonderful boys. I’m still a wife to the husband I love with all my heart. I mean more to myself now. I take care of myself better. I breathe bigger and deeper. My voice is stronger and clearer. I still struggle with a lot of the same things I did before, but I have tools and awareness now. A support system.

I’m on a path and it’s just the beginning.